


Before Sunset

by elirwen



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-29
Updated: 2014-01-29
Packaged: 2018-01-10 10:19:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1158480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elirwen/pseuds/elirwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin doesn't show up when he's supposed to. Arthur is worried. Rightfully so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before Sunset

Arthur is waiting by the fireplace for Merlin to show up. He asked to be excused for the day, so he could run some errands for Gaius, but promised to be back before sun would set. It did more than an hour ago.

Arthur knows Merlin isn’t exactly punctual, but it doesn’t stop him from worrying. He gets up and starts pacing around the room. 

Half an hour later he finds himself in front of the physician’s chambers. He knocks twice before entering. Gaius is working on some sort of potion on his work table.

“Good evening, Sire. Can I help you?”

“Have you seen Merlin recently?”

“I’m afraid he hasn't returned yet. I sent him to collect some herbs for me.”

“He said he would be back before sunset.”

“Yes, that he should have been. But you know Merlin, he probably got distracted.”

“Send him over as soon as he gets back.”

“I will, Sire.”

“Thank you, Gaius.”

Arthur turns and leaves the room, not feeling assured in the slightest. 

He thinks about their talk that morning. He promised Merlin they would have a dinner and take a nice bath together and later he would make him come so many times, he wouldn’t have the strength to lift a finger, no matter how hard he tried. 

He remembered the way Merlin shivered at the thought, how his pupils dilated and breathing quickened. He gathered all his willpower and shooed Merlin out of the room quickly then with a promise of later. He knows Merlin would never be late without some very good reason after what Arthur said to him. Never. But what reason could he have?

He settles back in the chair in front of the fire, determined to wait for Merlin’s return.

# # #

It’s dark and cold in there. He can’t think straight, magic weakly fluttering under his skin. The man will come again soon. He’s not trying to get Merlin to talk. He knows everything he needs about Merlin. He knew from the first moment. All the man wants is to break him.

# # #

Arthur wakes up in his chair with a crick in his neck. The fire is burning low, so he must have slept for more than an hour. There’s still no sign of Merlin.

His mind goes to all the incidents when Merlin would disappear and show up looking tired after various amount of time. But that is in the past. Arthur made him promise he would never go alone and without telling him anymore. Besides, no beast or sorcerer is attacking the kingdom.

For the second time that night his feet bring him to the physician’s chambers. He sees the light is still on and steps in after knocking.

“Ah, Sire. I’m afraid, Merlin still isn’t back.”

Worry in Gaius’s voice is palpable. 

“Do you know where he went?”

“Just the forest outside of Camelot’s walls. He never goes too far.”

“Did he go alone?” 

“I think so, Sire.”

“Didn’t you notice anything unusual in his behaviour?”

“No, Sire. He was his typical cheerful self.”

Arthur rubs his forehead, trying to come up with anything that might help with finding Merlin.

“But now I remember. He talked about some boy. Gareth, I think. He showed up about a week ago and was interested in herbs and Merlin’s work in general. It’s possible they went together.”

The worst scenarios are unravelling in Arthur’s mind.

“I don’t like it, Gaius. If he doesn’t show up until morning, I’ll go looking for him.”

He doesn’t wait for Gaius’s reply and leaves the room, already knowing that he won’t be able to wait till morning and planning what to pack.

# # #

Everything hurts. The man makes him stand. His mind is still woozy from the potions that were forced down his throat, so he sways on his feet. He feels blood running down his temple, another trickle on his arm, several on his chest and thighs. Sweat and tears burn in his eyes. 

“All you have to do is swear the oath,” says the cold voice from behind. “Then it will be over. I’ll take away all your pain.”

He shakes his head.

“He doesn’t deserve your loyalty. He’s a murderer of your kind.”

He feels his magic, reaches for it. He knows he has only one chance.

# # #

Arthur has just finished packing when there’s a flash of bright white light and a thud. He grabs his sword from the table and turns to face the room. Blinded by the burst of light, it takes a moment for him to notice the figure lying on the floor. Very naked and very Merlin like looking figure.

He’s by his side in an instant, checking his breathing, cupping his face in his hands. He gathers him from the floor and gently lowers him to the bed. Merlin’s dirty and bloody. There’s a nasty cut above his left eyebrow, few shallow cuts over his chest, bruises everywhere. 

Arthur takes a clean sheet from one of the cupboards and wraps him in it, so he can carry him to Gaius. Merlin doesn’t stir during the whole trip across the castle. 

# # #

He hears voices talking. Not the cold, cruel ones. These are warm, friendly. He feels he should know who they belong to, but the darkness wins once again.

# # #

Gaius spends over an hour checking Merlin’s injuries, cleaning the wounds and stitching them if necessary, rubbing the healing salve into each inch of Merlin’s bruised skin. Arthur sees red when they turned Merlin on his front and the trail of dried blood on Merlin’s thigh presents itself to them. 

Gaius tends to the wound as professionally as ever, but Arthur can see his eyes glistening with tears of sorrow, the same he himself feels at the thought of Merlin going through everything the wounds imply.

“Is he going to be alright?” Arthur asks, gut clenching at the sight of Merlin hurt in front of him.

“He’ll need time to recover. Not only for his body, but although for his mind.” 

“You don’t have to worry about that.” 

“Also, most of the rape victims need time to let other people touch them. You should bear that in mind.”

Arthur nods and sits in the chair next to the bed. 

# # #

No! No! No! Not again! It hurts. It hurts so much!

# # #

Merlin is crying softly in his sleep. He begs the empty space above him to let him be, to not hurt him anymore. Arthur talks to him, hushes him with soothing words, but it doesn’t work. He touches Merlin’s cheek with his fingertips and Merlin jerks awake. Arthur retreats with his hand immediately.

“Arthur...” Merlin whispers, as if afraid what he’s seeing isn’t true.

“Yes, it’s me. You’re safe.” 

# # #

He feels weak and tired. Every part of his body is sore and it hurts when he moves. Gaius, Gwen and Arthur are taking turns in keeping him company during the whole day.

They ask careful questions, look at him with pity in their eyes.

# # #

Arthur spends as much time with Merlin as he can. Moments between his duties, the meals, he sleeps on the other cot right next to his.

Merlin doesn’t talk much about what happened to him, won’t tell them how he got his injuries. He tells them that Gareth, the boy he met just a week ago, was a spy. He was there to gain Merlin's trust, so he could be alone with him, get close enough to drug him. 

He says the man who held him prisoner had plans for him. He knew Merlin was a sorcerer. He wanted an oath sealed by magic. He wanted him to kill Arthur. Merlin would never give him that. He would rather die.

Arthur listens with his fists clenched in anger as Merlin describes the feeling of his magic just under his skin, but with his mind blurred by the potions, he wasn’t able to use it. He tells him how afraid he was that the teleportation spell wouldn’t work.

All Arthur wants to do is to wrap Merlin in his arms and never let him go, but he remembers Gaius’s words and just talks to Merlin instead.

# # #

The third day of his recovery is coming to an end and his physical injuries are already feeling much better. 

Mentally, he’s feeling worse and worse. He holds deep within himself the worst of all the things the man did to him. He can’t say it to anyone. He’s too ashamed. He’s disgusting enough even without telling anyone all the details of his captivity.

He’s noticed no one is touching him. And when they do, it’s only when they have to, during changing the bandages or applying salve.

Arthur hasn’t touched him since that brief brush of fingertips when he first woke up.

# # #

Merlin is paler than just a few hours ago. He’s lying on his side and doesn’t even look up at Arthur who takes his place in the chair next to the bed. He’s clutching a pillow to his chest, one hand holding it as close as possible, the other stroking it absentmindedly.

Arthur watches him for a few more moments, not knowing what to say or do. He seems so lost, so small between the covers. Gone is the light from his eyes, the constant fire of love, joy, zest of life.

A sigh escapes Arthur's lips.

# # #

He hears Arthur sigh. He knows what it meas. Arthur must have realized that Merlin has changed irreversibly. He’s a good man. He wouldn't want to hurt Merlin. He would try to stay with him, but Merlin is damaged goods. He will have to tell Arthur to find somebody else to love. He isn't worthy of anyone's love. 

# # #

Merlin starts crying silently, just the tears running down his face.

Arthur reaches with his hand without thinking and, for the first time that day, Merlin looks up. He stares at the hand as Arthur draws it back. 

Merlin curls around the pillow, clutching it desperately now, face buried in the mattress. He shakes with the force of his sobs, breath hitching every now and then.

Arthur doesn't know what to do.

“Merlin...” he tries. “What is it? How can I help you?” he asks. “Tell me what's bothering you,” he pleads.

Merlin doesn't react. Arthur slides from the chair to his knees next to the bed.

“Please,” he whispers over and over.

When Merlin somewhat calms down, Arthur speaks again.

“Have I done something wrong? Please, tell me.”

Merlin shifts slightly, so he can talk, but he still won't meet Arthur's eyes.

“You’ve done nothing wrong. It's all my fault.”

“Don't talk like that.”

“I'm not good enough for you. I'm disgusting.”

“No, no, no, why would you say something like that?”

“Nobody ever touches me if they don't have to,” Merlin breathes out and Arthur's insides turn cold. “I wanted you to touch me but you never did. And I understand.”

“No, you don't,” Arthur says urgently and clasps Merlin's hand in his own.

“You don't have to do that.” Merlin pulled his hand away from Arthur's.

“You don't understand, Merlin. Gaius told me you probably wouldn't like to be touched and I was stupid enough to blindly listen. I should have asked you,” he says and starts stroking the top of Merlin's hand. “I'm sorry I hurt you so much.”

For the first time in a long time, Merlin looks Arthur in the eyes. He studies him for a while, probably for any sign of disgust. He lets out a shaky sigh and more tears slip down his cheeks, but he seems relieved rather than drowning in sadness.

“Would you do something for me?” he asks, tentatively turning his hand to tangle his fingers with Arthur’s.

“Anything.”

“Could you... no, it's stupid...” he trails off.

“Merlin, talk to me,” Arthur encourages him, stroking his cheek.

“Could you share a bed with me?”

“Of course,” Arthur says with a smile.

He stands up and gathers Merlin, tangled in the blanket, in his arms.

# # #

Arthur lays Merlin on his bed. He changes quickly to his sleeping clothes and lies down on the other side of it, leaving the space between them. Only contact he makes is his hand holding Merlin's. At least before Merlin shuffles a bit closer with a question in his eyes.

“If it would be too much for you, just say so, alright?” Arthur instructs and waits for Merlin's nod.

He pulls Merlin close, so his head is resting on Arthur's shoulder. Merlin wraps his arms around him, one of them stroking him in the same manner as he did before with the pillow. 

“I love you, never forget that,” Arthur whispers as he feels Merlin grow heavy against him and his stroking slow down. Merlin hums contentedly before succumbing to sleep.


End file.
